PLAY: It's Riley Friday!

Do you have a theme for your year yet? For the past several years, I've chosen a theme for my year. A word or a phrase to help guide me on my path both personally and professionally. I've had a variety of different ones including "community", "vibrant health", "prosperity" and "the year of the baby" (bet you can guess which one that was?!). This year, my theme chose me as I was walking on New Year's Eve. It just popped in and announced itself "PLAY! That's It! PLAY! That's your theme for the year!" and just as quickly disappeared.

You might think "of course her theme is PLAY. She has a one year old" but at first, this rather serious Capricorn was not very happy. PLAY? Who has time to PLAY? I have things to do - a baby to raise, clients to care for, a home to keep, family to watch out for. There aren't enough hours in the day. How can I possibly add PLAY to my "to do" list?

Um. Yeah. Exactly. That would be why PLAY was gifted to me as my theme for the year. :-)

Play isn't so much a "do-ing" as it is a state of "Be-ing". It's about fun and laughter and lightness and learning. When we play we are very present and in the moment. Be here now. Yeah, that. Good advice. (note the photo of Riley with toilet paper. pure bliss. in the moment.)

We're only a few weeks into 2012 but I can already tell that keeping PLAY in mind as my theme for the year is helping me be more present in many areas of my life. See what might apply to yours...

1. Time with children. It's easy to get distracted as a WAHM (work at home mom!) and get caught up doing work when it's my time with Riley. Keeping PLAY in the forefront of my mind reminds me to fully engage with her when we are together. Then when she's napping, I'm very focused at getting my work done. Do you work hard and play hard? Or are you all work and no play?

2. Cooking. Those who know me well know that I say I'm a terrible cook. But that's really not true. I'm OK. I'm average. But now that I'm infusing my kitchen time with PLAY (new recipes, letting Riley bang on pots and pans while I create) we're eating meals with more variety and having fun with our food! When was the last time you got creative in the kitchen?

3. My work. I've been an entrepreneur for 11 years now and one of my mottos has been "easy, fun and profitable". This year, I'm focusing extra attention on the FUN. I'm only working with clients I adore and doing work that feels 100% fulfilling. How can you make your projects more playful?

** side bar: Check out this website http://seriouslythemovie.com that a friend sent to me recently! A documentary about how vital play is to our health and happiness! Looks pretty fun! **

4. Time in nature. Now that Riley is walking, we are having a blast exploring the Earth. Grass and dirt and leaves and bushes and flowers and weeds! We spend time almost every day outside and we've been sitting on the ground. When was the last time you sat on Mother Earth and felt her support and embrace?

I invite you, dear Reader, to ask yourself how you can incorporate more PLAY into your life this year? Please feel free to share your ideas below!

It's Riley Friday! Thoughts on becoming REAL...

The cake was chocolate and vanilla with something fudge-y yummy in the middle. A beautiful, snowy white frosting with hot pink and orange flowers on top. When the lady at The Cake Shop opened the box to show me her masterpiece, I burst into tears.

And I cried all the way home.

Riley's first birthday was emotional for many reasons.

1. Our baby is no longer a baby. She's a toddler now, walking and talking albeit tentatively on both accounts. The past year has flown by.

2. Memories of last year came rushing back, the whirlwind upheaval of life as we knew it as we tried to comprehend the fact that our daughter (finally) found us and we (FINALLY!) found her! That our meeting was written in the stars.

3. We haven't heard from Riley's birthmom in three months. While technically an open adoption, we don't have a formal agreement about contact. I continue to send monthly updates with photos and stories and we have invited her to be part of Riley's life. Because I am an adult adoptee who was a product of the closed system of adoption, I've desperately wanted it to be different for my daughter. I've hoped she'd grow up knowing her birthmom. And that may still happen. But right now, she is feeling the need to step back and we must respect that. I can't begin to imagine what her world is like.

So I was a river of tears when I picked up that cake because it meant that I have not been dreaming. I have not been living in an alternate universe. I have not been making up stories in my head. Riley's birthday cake was my proverbial "pinch" (pinch me so I know this is real).

You'd think that the endless diapers and bottles and lack of sleep would have made it all real sooner than this.

The Skin Horse said to The Velveteen Rabbit in Margery Williams' classic book : "Real isn't how you are made... It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

I'm a Real Mom. Riley's Mom. And her birthday cake proved it. "...Once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always" said the Skin Horse.

Lucky me. I get to be Riley's Mommy forever.

I invite you, dear reader, to think of a time in your life when an experience, something or someone helped you become Real?

CHANGE: A Riley Friday Food for Thought

"Change is inevitable. Growth is optional." John C. Maxwell is sooo right. Life is filled with constant change but how we choose to grow (or not) is up to us.

On January 22, 2011 we got the call that would change our lives forever. At 4:30 a.m. we learned of a healthy baby girl who had been born just an hour previously and her mother wanted to place her in an open adoption. Were we interested? The next 36 hours were a whirlwind of emotion and activity. I remember arriving at the hospital at 4:30 on Sunday afternoon and being checked into a room with Eric and this teeny, tiny baby with dark hair who was sleeping soundly in her incubator. It is a treasured memory that is burned in my brain because it is my first of us as a "threesome". In that instant, we went from being a couple to being a family.

We knew we wanted to be parents. We were on the path to adopt a baby. We thought we were ready for change. But when it arrives so shockingly and so suddenly - we call it the "36 hour pregnancy"- it takes time for the mind, body and spirit to assimilate all that happened. There is a massive deconstruction that occurs on every level so that there is room and space to rebuild something new and different. There is a reason that most people have nine months of pregnancy. It's called time to get over the shock and awe of this new information and integrate the new reality into your being that a new little person is going to change your world forever!

So we got to do our "nine months" of integration and preparing for the new reality after the fact... and while raising said baby! :-) Now that Riley is about to turn a year old, it's a great time to reflect and see how we've managed the change and grown as a result.

1. I am more confident as a person now that I am a parent. We were born to do this. We are good parents. I guess this surprised me because I figured that it was something we had to learn how to do and read about and study up on. (And yes, we did some of that. There are way too many unread baby books around our house that I thought we needed in the early days.) But generally speaking, we are laid back, we are very present with our daughter, and we cherish our time as a family - as a threesome and with our extended family of loved ones who are part of our tribe helping to raise our baby.

2. I am not afraid to ask for help. I've also learned to gracefully receive it. Both Eric and I are very independent people and like to take care of things ourselves. But very quickly we learned that raising a child really does take a village. The night we checked into the hospital, we had friends shopping at Babies 'R Us buying diapers, formula, bottles, a crib and so much more so that when we got home, our home was prepared for our precious bundle. My best friend took a week off of work to stay home with us and help us adjust to our new reality. Our family members scrambled to get flights and come in to help us during the first month. Our church community fed us for an entire month.

3. I live in a state of gratitude every single day. I was a pretty happy person before Riley entered our lives but the loooong fertility journey had taken its toll on me, on Eric and on our marriage. We were worn out, grief stricken and tapped out emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. Riley's arrival was like a breath of fresh air. We had hope again. We were excited about life. We finally felt like we were "on track" with our lives. (of course it took a few months to come out of the sleep deprived fog to realize all of this!) I count my blessings every single day because I now see how precious life really is and how it can change on a dime. In an instant, your life can be completely transformed.

Riley has taught us a lot in the past year. I believe in the old saying "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear" and I am clear that Eric and I are the students and Riley is our teacher.

For a while now, I've been getting a Universal nudge to include Riley in my work. I didn't know how until a few days ago when I was journaling, I realized that I needed to write about all that I've learned from this amazing being of light who is turning one in two more days. It seems fitting for me to be launching a "change" in my writing habits today as we enter her birthday weekend. The short term commitment is to write 12 weeks worth of "Riley Friday" blogs and see what shows up. See what resonates. For me as the writer. And equally importantly, for you as the reader.

My goal is not to have these Friday blogs become all about parenting but instead to look at the lessons I've learned as a new parent and see how it applies to being an entrepreneur, to living in the world, to making that shift from tired to inspired! I dare say that increasing confidence, asking for help and living in a state of gratitude are all things we strive for.

So I invite you, dear reader, to ask yourself "What change (big or small) is happening in my life right now - or do I want to invite into my life - and how do I wish to grow as a result?"

Ringing In The New Year!

I don't know about you, but I love December 31st! Each year, it's an opportunity to reflect on the old, release what no longer serves me and look ahead with anticipation to a squeaky clean New Year with unlimited hopes and possibilities.

For me personally, 2011 goes down on record as perhaps the best year of my life! It's the year that our daughter, Riley,  was born and the year that Eric and I shifted from being a couple to being a family. It's been a life long dream of mine to have a child and we've been living our dream for the last eleven months and it's been amazing!

So as we wrap up 2011 in our household, there is untold gratitude for "The Year of Riley". I know in my heart that 2012 will also be filled with miracles. I wonder what they will be...

Here are some questions for you to contemplate as we transition from 2011 to 2012. Many, many blessings to you as we enter the New Year!

2011- Year in Review

1. What was fabulous this year? What were the highlights? Things I am truly grateful for?
2. What accomplishments am I most proud of this year?
3. Who did I most enjoy spending time with this year? Why?
4. What do I wish was different? Were there some goals I didn’t meet?
5. What did I procrastinate about or avoid doing this year? Where did I waste time?
6. In the next 11 days of 2011, what do I need to feel complete?
7. If I could let go of ____________________________, I’d feel so much better!

2012 – Looking Ahead!

1. Who do I want to BE in 2012? And what do I want to DO in 2012?
2. To BE who I want to be and to DO what I want to do, what do I need to change?
3. If I could see big success in 3 areas of my business, what would I choose?
4. If I could see big success in 3 areas of my life, what would I choose?
5. Who do I want to spend more time with in 2012? Why?
6. If I felt 100% confident in my business & life this year, I would fearlessly do _____________________________________________________________.
7. What do I want my theme to be for 2012?

Write for 21 days...

Writing.

I have a love-hate relationship with it.

When I do it, I feel good. If it's personal writing,I feel happy, understood and free to be me. If it's professional writing, I feel accomplished, like I'm being of service and like I"m paying it forward. If someone reads something I wrote and it helps them in some small way, that's so cool!

When I don't write (on a consistent basis, that is), I'm thinking "I should be writing."

But I'm not a big fan of "shoulds". In fact, I hate the word. The only "shoulds" in my life are feeding and caring for the baby and our pets. Everything else is optional. I mean everything (showering, flossing, cleaning house, you name it!)

Yesterday, I was journaling (for the first time in weeks) and the messae that came through to me was "Write for 21 days and see how it changes your life."

I think the last time I wrote for 21 days straight was in 2002 when I worked through Julia Cameron's Artist's Way and she suggests morning pages. I hate morning pages! All I want to do in the morning is grab a shower and some breakfast and maybe do some yoga stretches to wake up. But write first thing? No way.

But I wrote morning pages. Just never in the a.m. I always wrote in the afternoon or evening. I felt defiant but that way it was less of a "should" for me and was more on my terms.

In the past 11 years of being a business owner, I've written a lot. Four websites, a few dozen articles, a few hundred blog posts, a few thousand Facebook posts and Twitter tweets, speeches, e-mails, marketing campaigns, ad copy and I've also filled up a few personal journals.

But I still haven't claimed "being a writer."

I even attended Jennifer Louden's Writer's Retreat (highly recommended, by the way!) in Taos, NM in 2005 and wrote the outline to my adoption reunion book (it will get written before I die!) but I still have a hard time saying I'm a writer.

So what is a writer? One could argue it's one who writes. And I certainly do plenty of that.

But I think my gremlin associates being a writer with being an "author" of a published book. And I haven't done that. Yet.

But I know that's stinkin' thinkin' ! I don't think any less of my friends who are runners because they've never completed a marathon.

So I'm claiming it here. I'm a writer!

At least for the next 21 days...

(I'll let you know how it goes! And if you want to join me and commit to writing for the next 21 days, send me a note and we'll check in every few days and see how it's going!)

P.S. Oh yeah! the inspiration for this article came from Dawn Goldberg's great free e-book Writing From Your Soul. I encourage you to check it out.